Panic aboard Titanic
by cloepurple14
Summary: Blackadder, Baldrick and George board the Titanic for her maiden votage. Little do they know about the events that are to come.
1. 10th April 1912: Boarding

**10th April 1912- Boarding:**

"Are we there yet?"

"No Baldrick, not yet", answered a very bored Blackadder.

"Well we can't be far away now. Can we Blackadder?" George sighed, "Oh, I can't wait. It's so nice of my old friend Thomas Andrews to give us tickets to board Titanic for her maiden voyage. Did I mention that we were best friends at school?"

"Yes you did" replied Blackadder dryly.

"And did I mention that we were…"

"Next door neighbours" finished Blackadder.

"How on earth did you guess?"

"I really don't know your Lordship. But if I had to hazard a guess I would say that it's because during this journey which has taken us two hours by train and then a further hour or so in this car, you might have mentioned it before. And let's say you mentioned it more than once. Let's say around…I don't know…thirty times. I think I would have remembered."

"But Blackadder you have a terrible memory" George told him forgetting that his memory was twice as bad.

"Quite" Blackadder agreed with him. There seemed no need to start a pointless argument today. An argument have finished him off he was that tired. All of the trouble Blackadder had gone through to get the lord here; _he better bloody enjoy it_, he thought to himself.

"Are we there yet?" Baldrick asked again from the back of the car.

"For the last time Baldrick, no. And if you ask again I'll…"

"You'll kill me sir?" Baldrick asked, he'd gotten used to the death threats that never came.

"Yes that's exactly what I'll do. Now stop annoying me and shut up!"

"Blackadder?" George spoke poking him repeatedly on the shoulder.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" Blackadder didn't mean to shout but he was fed up and he just wanted some peace. He was fed up with this journey on which he didn't wish to come anyway and he was also fed up of his life in general. Part of that was because he was fed up of having to look after a lord who was a penny short of a brain.

"Um," George spoke nervously, "I think we've arrived"

Blackadder looked out of the car window to find the busy streets of Southampton packed with hundreds of people rushing about with suitcases and bags.

"So we have", Blackadder stated.

The car drove around the corner and that's when they saw it. The Titanic. The largest, most beautiful, unsinkable ship. The car pulled to a halt and the three of them ventured out into Southampton. George led the way followed closely by Blackadder and then Baldrick with all of their luggage. They then paused to take in the beauty of the enormous ship.

"Isn't she wonderful" It wasn't a question George had asked it was a fact because no matter how much Blackadder would rather be at home he agreed with him and he couldn't wait to see more of the marvellous ship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was noon when the Titanic set sail from Southampton port. There was a huge waving off ceremony for the ship and everyone bore a smile. Well, everyone except from Edmund Blackadder.

"What's wrong Bladders?" asked George. The two of them were sat in the lords' cabin which was truly stunning. A room fit for a king.

"Nothing", came the mumbled reply.

"Well something must be the matter for you to look like that. Or do you always look like that? I just can't remember. You see I'm always too busy worrying about my own good looks to even have the time to worry about anyone else's. Their looks obviously aren't as good as mine but they're looks none the less, "George took a sip from his cup of tea and then shouted into the a-joining room, "Have you finished unpacking yet Baldrick?"

"Nearly my lord," came the reply, "Which suit will you be wearing to dinner?"

"That is a hard question. I'll tell you what Balders. Bring them in here and Mr grumpy face in here can help me decide."

_Oh what fun,_ Blackadder thought. He could probably think of a million things he could be doing with this time. His train of thought was ruined when Baldrick emerged with a dozen suits in his arms. George stood up and took the first one from Baldrick and held it up against himself.

"What do you think Blackadder?"

_Might as well end this now_, "Absolutely wonderful my lord. You should change immediately" Blackadder replied and he added a round of applause.

"Hang the overs up will you Baldrick, I'm going to change."

"Of course my lord."

George emerged moments later wearing a white suit and a red bow tie and he couldn't help but looking at himself more than once in the mirror. Blackadder however still bore a dull expression and was sat where he was previously at the round oak table.

"Your lordship I couldn't help but noticing that these only one room and as you've claimed it as your own, where be mine and Baldricks?"

George looked completely confused but then he remembered, "Oh yes. You two are down below. Baldrick has been placed in the boiler rooms where he will sleep and work and you're in a third class cabin. Luckily it's just you .Thomas made special arrangements for you so you wouldn't have to share the room with complete strangers. You didn't expect Andrews to give away three first class tickets for free, did you?"

"Well…"

"Oh how very selfish you are Blackadder. I embraced what Thomas gave me with open arms but you…you dirty third class scum decide it's not good enough for you. Well I've had enough, so take your stupid ape with you and be gone. I never want to speak to you again."

"Baldrick!"

Baldrick ran into the room, "Yes my lord?"

"We're leaving" and with that Blackadder stormed from the room leaving behind a very confused Baldrick. Baldrick looked at George and then he ran after Blackadder.

"The git," Blackadder mumbled to himself. Baldrick had caught up and they were now walking down stairs and through corridors in attempt to locate their rooms. "He just used us Baldrick, He used me to get himself here and he's put you down in the boiler rooms to help pay for the tickets."

"At least we have each other," Baldrick smiled, "as long as you've got someone you haven't lost everything ."

"That's really reassuring Baldrick"

"Really?"

"No," they stopped outside a door, " here's my room Baldrick and yours is down another three flights of stairs. Good night." Blackadder slammed the door shut and dreamed of a place where he was free to do what he liked.


	2. 11th April 1912

11th April 1912:

Blackadder was awakened by the sound of knocking at his cabin door. So after a few minutes he decided to get up and answer it. His master was coming to apologise him. Or so he thought.

"Your Lordship" Blackadder spoke with confidence.

"Your lordship? I'm flattered." It turned out it wasn't George at his door but a complete stranger. The stranger held out his hand and said, "Thomas Andrews. It's nice to meet you Mr Blackadder. I've heard all about you."

"Oh", Blackadder shook the man's hand, "So this is why you're here then. You've come to chuck me off the ship."

"What do you mean? I came to inform you that you and your companion have been invited to join the Captain, Mr Ismay, your master and myself for dinner tonight. I do hope you can attend."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Marvellous!"

"Well done, by the way, the ship's amazing"

Andrews smile faded and he simply said "Thank you Mr Blackadder", _I think,_ he added to himself_, _"You're too kind. Well, good day to you Mr Blackadder. I'll see you at dinner."

The engine rooms were hot, stuffy, and not to mention filthy and Blackadder didn't wish to spend too long in them.

"Baldrick!" he shouted, "Baldrick if you don't get here this second…."

"I'm over here sir! Hang on!" Baldrick emerged out of a cloud of soot and smoke and he was covered in it.

"Baldrick have you ever heard of a wash?"

"…No"

"Well I think we've put if off for long enough. I can't stand it anymore. Tonight you shall have your very first wash."

"Going somewhere nice are we?"

"No not really"

Baldrick looked confused.

"Just meet me outside my room at 5 o'clock this evening. Can you remember that?"

"…Outside your room…5 o'clock"

"That's right and here's another thing for you to remember. Get here there on time or else I will kill you. See you then. Bye" Blackadder gladly left the smelly engine rooms and made his way up onto deck.

-  
The sun was shining and a calm breeze was blowing. There were children playing and adults strolling around as if they owned the place. Blackadder studied these people, the families, thinking about what could have been his.

"OI! BLACKADDER!"

His train of thought ruined Blackadder put on a fake smile and then turned around to greet him.

"Your Lordship" _Maybe this will be his apology. _George stood beside him dressed in one of his many fine suits. "What do you want?" Blackadder asked a little too quickly.

"I just wanted to clear my head. I've had a conversation with Thomas Andrews about the amount of lifeboats on board. It's this image that I want to clear my head of the horrible image inside. What I mean Blackadder which is, as I might add, highly unlikely It turns out I'd have to leave behind all of my belongings."

"What do you mean?"

"I know it's shocking. It turns out that there aren't enough lifeboats for half the people on board let alone for me and _all_ of my luggage. I think it's awful."

"I agree. Think of all the lives which could be…"

"Who cares about the lives which could be lost. I mean one my suits cost a bloody fortune. Well I guess that's the white star line for you. Did you know they changed certain aspects of Andrews design?"

_That's why he wasn't smiling when I said well done about the ship, _Then Blackadder remembered, "Sir, can you remember what the last thing you said to me last night was?"

"Oh a quiz, how fun"

"Well?"

"Ummm….Goodnight?"

"No. In fact you told me to be gone and that you didn't want to talk to me ever again."

"No I don't think I did Blackadder. It's a brilliant joke though."

"It's not a joke sir"

"Of course it is. You don't know what you're saying as I said before Blackadder you have a terrible memory. You wouldn't mind getting me a cup of tea, would ya?"

"Of course not" That o course was obviously a lie because he'd expected an apology but instead he had gotten more insults. Now it seemed merely impossible. He walked away from his master quickly and didn't return with the requested drink.

-  
6:30pm:

The sound of civilised could be heard before they entered the busy room. The dining hall itself was huge and almost packed to the brim with 1st class passengers. Blackadder and Blackadder made their way to their table as quickly as possible and soon they were sat in the company of Thomas Andrews, Bruce Ismay and Captain Smith.

"Ah, Blackadder finally. I'm glad you could make it" Smiled Andrews.

"Well if you'd seen the state Baldrick was in when he reached my room you would understand why we were late."

"Well you're here now, that's all that matters" The man held out his hand, "Bruce Ismay"

Blackadder shook the man's hand and then he turned to Baldrick, "This, Baldrick, is the man who decided that he would change Thomas's design and put the lives of hundreds of people at risk. Why? So he could have a lovely walk up on deck and more 1st class cabins instead of the required number of lifeboats."

Ismay looked horrified, "How dare you! I only did what was best for business."

"Is your reputation worth more than the lives of innocent people?" Blackadder raised his voice and the room went silent.

"Sir" Baldrick pleaded.

"No Baldrick. No. Let's think about it. If this ship sinks then not even half the people will survive because of him" He pointed at Ismay sending him an evil look.

"Calm down sir, this ship won't sink" Captain Smith chuckled, "This ship is unsinkable. Isn't she Andrews?"

Thomas didn't reply he didn't know what side to take.

"I knew it" Blackadder muttered, he got up and stormed from the dining hall; all eyes turned as he did.

Ismay decided to break the silence, "Right, now that scums gone…Where were we?"

George stood up. "What now?" Ismay asked.

"Goodnight gentlemen", then George spoke so only Ismay could hear him, "He isn't scum." He left the room followed closely by Baldrick.

"Well that was entertaining" The captain smiled and the conversation began.

-  
Dark, ice cold and boring, Blackadder smiled when he realised he wasn't only describing the night sky but also the cold hearted Bruce Ismay he'd met just minutes ago. A chill travelled down his spine as he peered over the rail and down to the icy water below. It was at that moment when he felt a warm confronting hand on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?" George asked. Blackadder laughed and pushed the man away.

"What's the matter Mr B?" asked another familiar voice.

"Nothing Baldrick my head just hurts a little. Must be the sea air."

"Here take this" George held out his jacket and Blackadder had it on in seconds.

"Thanks"

"No problem. Come on lets go back inside."

"I'm not going back in there"

"Neither am I. I thought you two could spend the night in my room."

"Oh that'll be brilliant." Baldrick sang with joy.

"Just keep walking Baldrick or else I might just find the strength to hit you."

George laughed and the three of them made their way out of the cold air and into the warm.


	3. 12th April 1912

12th April 1912:

Blackadder woke the next morning to find himself alone on the lords sofa in his cabin.

"Morning" Blackadder realised he just talking to the air so he decided to get up and check the ajoining room.

"I don't think so" spoke George as he entered the cabin carrying a tray of food. He put the tray down and helped Blackadder ver to the sofa.

"My lord im not dying. Ive just got a headache that's all."

"well here you are anyway" he picked up the tray and gave it to Blackadder, "breakfast in bed"

Blackadder just looked at it.

"You can eat it. I havent posioned it and Baldrick didn't cook it so its fine to eat"

Blackadder laughed at this and then asked, "Where is Baldrick?"

"Work" George replied, his mouth full of toast.

"So its just us then?"

"Yes it is"

There was a long awkward silence and then George spoke, "Do you fancy a walk up on deck"

_No not really I ve just wokwn up and I havent even finished my breakfast ,_ "Of course my lord" Blackadder replied.

The sun was blazing down on them as they walked and a slight breeze blew so the heat wasn't uncomfortable. Blackadder and his master spent the time talking to each other, trying to enjoy each others company.

"….So you see, once I arrive in America I can collect my fathers fortune and do what I bally well like" George told Blackadder.

"Oh really" now he was intrested.

"of course I wont spend it all at once"

"I see," Blackadder asked "And just how much money are we talking about?"

"Ummm…" George wasn't payning any attention to Blackadder he was too busy payning attention to other things. They both stopped.

"Sir?" Blackadder waved a hand infront of his eyes but it didn't work, "How much money are you inheriting?"

"Look over there" George quickly pointed ahead.

"Its here? On the ship?"

"What are you babbling on about Blackadder? Just look over there" Blackadder glanced in the direction he'd pointed in.

"Its just a bunch of first class women who spend there time talking about polotics and different styles of hats."

"Why don't we go and say hello to them. Ay Blackadder" George nudged Blackadder playfully with his elbow.

"No"

"But they are gorgeous," George whinned.

"What I meant was ill do it. You cant."

"Why not?"

"As I walk towards the lovely ladies their eyes will turn in my direction as I greet them"

George looked confused so Blackadder continued, "If you were to walk towards them not only will their eyes turn but so will their stomachs"

"I tand to have that affect. Im just too handsome for them to handle. Alright Blackadder you can it." George whispered "Which one do you fancy?"

"Im really not bothered, theyre all lovely"

"That's alright then cause I want the brown haired one"

"But I want the brown haired one"

"But you…"

"It doesn't matter. Wish me luck"

"Goodluck"

Blackadder left George and casually walked towards the young ladies. As expected there eyes turned in his direction and their conversation stopped.

"Good afternoon ladies"

"Afternoon sir" replied the brunette.

"My and my…_brother…" _he gestured to George stood on next to the railing he waved to them and the girls giggled, "…were wondering if two of you would like to join us for a stroll around deck"

"You alright mr B?" Just his luck. Baldrickjoined blackadder looking ans smelling worse than he ever had done before.

"Ugh, let's go inside"

"Oh God" Blackadders head fell into his hands, he was so close.

"was it something I said?" Baldrick asked.

George walked over to them, "How did it go Bladder? Are we in for an eventfull night?"

"No sir. Baldrick ruined it all"

"That's a shame. Cant you try again?"

"Im sure a man of your…talents could manage and im tired. I need to sleep"

"Ill give it a try. Enjoy your nap" and he walked off in search of a woman.

"What I am going to do sir?"

"youre going back to work. If yoy see George tell him im taking a nap in his room. His bed looks far more comfier than mine"

"Will do sir"


	4. 13th April 1912

13th April 1912:

Blackadder had the most wonderful sleep last night. He'd had a first class room to himself and he'd slept in the lord's comfy bed surrounded by his scent and he loved it. Blackadder sat up straight and rubbed his head. Why had that thought just passed through his head, he didn't like his master in that way, it just wasn't possible for him. Not because he was a man but because he was the thickest most annoying person he'd ever met. _But that's what makes him, him. _Blackadder swore to himself that he would never allow himself to think like that again, ever.

"Where is he?" Blackadder spoke to himself quietly and he realised he was worried.

"It's weird what a bit of sea air does to you", Blackadder jumped when he heard that voice, "I've never heard you talk to your self before. Still, like I said, must be the sea air."

"Where have you been?"

"Well. I met this girl called Madeline; oh she's the best. We walked up on deck. That was fine but then she said that I looked tired and that I should go to bed"

"And?"

"Baldrick had told me that you had already gone back to my room and of course you needed to rest so we went to her room. Oh Blackadder, I spent a night of ecstasy with Madeline and I loved it!"

"I'm glad you had fun" Blackadder spoke feeling a tinge of jealousy rise inside of him, "Will you be seeing her again?" he asked a little too quickly.

"Yes actually she's invited me to dinner. Oh and she invited you as well."

"And why has she done that?"

"I told her how amazing you are and that you're my…"

"Your butler"

"Yes that's right. We're having dinner at 5 o'clock. Meet me outside the dining hall. I'll go. You need to rest." And he left but Blackadder spent minutes staring at the empty place where he had stood.

12:50- Blackadder couldn't stop thinking about him and was glad when the time came to make his way to the dining hall. There journey took a few minutes and he'd arrived and so had his master.

"Alright Bladder?"

Blackadder smiled at his masters' attempt at his name. He didn't bother to correct him. He couldn't care less, "Are we going in?"

"As soon as they arrive"

They stood in silence.

"Madeline!" George exclaimed as he stepped towards the girl who'd just arrived. He took her hand in his and placed his lips upon her delicate hand.

"Oh George" she giggled.

She took back her hand and gestured to the man who had just joined them. "George this is my father"

"Ismay?"

"I see you've met before. Have you farther?" She looked at Ismay looking for an answer.

"Yes. We've met" He said simply and then his eyes met Blackadder's, "Him! What's he doing here?"

"Hello Brucey", said Blackadder, "I'd like to say how lovely it is to see you but as we both know that would be a lie"

George let out a snort and Madeline slapped him across the cheek, "How dare you insult my father"

"Sorry. I really am…"

"Never mind that just run!" Blackadder was quick he grabbed Georges hand and pulled him along as they ran. They ran deeper and deeper into the ship. They had insulted one of the most important men on the ship and they weren't going to get away with it, but they could try. George took the lead as they turned the corner, "lets hide in here" He told Blackadder and they ran into the boiler rooms. They ran right to the end then George pushed Blackadder into the far corner of the room, "This should do" Their chests were heaving and they were both out of breath.

"Well that was fun" George spoke in-between breaths. Blackadder just smiled. He wanted to stay like this forever, pressed up against his warm with his hand in his. However the moment was ruined when Baldrick stumbled upon them. George let go of Blackadder's and took a step back.

"Are you alright Baldrick?" George asked blushing as he did so.

"Yeah I'm alright sir. Hang on, why are you two here?"

"Blackadder pissed off Ismay. Again", He added smiling at Blackadder, "We were hiding"

"Oh right, well I best get a move on. We've just received orders from the Captain to increase the ships speed"

"Really?" George asked.

"Oh yeah, soon we'll be sailing at 21 knots sir"

"That's brilliant!"

"It's almost as brilliant as the time you bought me that giant turnip for my birthday. Well see you later then" Baldrick walked off leaving them alone once again.

George turned to Blackadder and said "Isn't that brilliant Blackadder"

"Absolutely amazing sir. I'm thrilled to pieces" Blackadder spoke in sarcasm but his master didn't pick up on it.

"Well come on let's get out of here it should be safe and its boiling down here. Must be the boilers." George started walking and Blackadder studied his body as he did so and then muttered to himself, "I don't think it his" He smiled and followed his master from the room.


End file.
